Sleep over it

A simple thought of inclination
Has the power to rule imagination
Fragrance of the charm unstinted
Creates a mist of desire
Don’t know who is going to be
On the bench next day

So I start my morning with an everlasting smile
No thoughts to bother me for a while

I walk through the woods and see
Off the daffodil leaves dew drops flee
The murmur of the cricket is a
Reminder of the whispers
Silent words that travelled many a mile
Bringing willies to grey whiskers

So I start my morning with an everlasting smile
No thoughts to bother me for a while

Then arrived time for a quiet nap,
Besieged man retiring from the clan
Evil is good till it’s undone
I fear good that has no son
I keep remembering what’s lost
Sitting alone till the dawning frost

So I start my morning with an everlasting smile
No thoughts to bother me for a while

Cut once or twice?

It may be a difficult proposition
It’s easy.
Concern for the possibilities is annoying
Choose none.
Dangerous liaisons, false trust
Move two steps back.
Surface tension reaching threshold
Take a sip.

Closet is full of pretentious attires
Keep me in one of them
Reverberating fake ideas
Open secrets, all of them.
Nobody questions quotes of the dead
Graves don’t altercate, owners said.
To be is an irremediable clot
Unknowingly I booked the slot.
Miseries yet to be explored
New chapter started yesterday, with that roar.

There was this guy not known to all
Know him for better before he is gone
Riding on a bike it felt alive
Two souls cut once or twice?

Just a few miles to go

Look at me

Just a while ago,

I was on a dream run

Few miles to go


Glitter in the eyes

For the future would be right,

Even though I failed endlessly

It was time to reap glory


Tattered clothes and unshaven beard

A half tattoo; a molested wing

Broken knees bleeding eyes

Raise a toast for the insolent vice


Look at me

Just a while ago,

I was on a dream run

Few miles to go


An angel in a red dress, right there

Knew her name before the deal

And endured enough pain, to be fair

Only could imagine us flying together for real


Nothing else was persistent

Not even the desire to be alive

Still saw her smile

Through my rosy eyes


It’s the end; arguing to live on

Last look, last smile

Last memory of the beloved dream

You hold my flag and do remember

I was on a dream run and had

A few miles to goLook at me

Just a while ago,

I was on a dream run

Few miles to go


Glitter in the eyes

For the future would be right,

Even though I failed endlessly

It was time to reap glory


Tattered clothes and unshaven beard

A half tattoo; a molested wing

Broken knees bleeding eyes

Raise a toast for the insolent vice


Look at me

Just a while ago,

I was on a dream run

Few miles to go


An angel in a red dress, right there

Knew her name before the deal

And endured enough pain, to be fair

Only could imagine us flying together for real


Nothing else was persistent

Not even the desire to be alive

Still saw her smile

Through my rosy eyes


It’s the end; arguing to live on

Last look, last smile

Last memory of the beloved dream

You hold my flag and do remember

I was on a dream run and had

A few miles to go

Path to Enlightenment

I don’t know what the world says I have in store for myself

But it agrees when I say what I hate about myself,

Complexities of my emotional needs and the reverberations of my guilt

Looking at the mirror the perspective existence seems like filth.


Never could catch, the catch in the phrase,

Living in denial hiding from the enlightenment gaze

Never a problem has the interactions raised,

Moved like sand in the dreary desert artificial maze,

Grains of dust scattered all over the place,

Still it seems like art, aint I amazed!


Bemused I once took a train, it took me back in time

Where love wasn’t that expensive, it was fine with a dime

Figments of broken illusions fall like metal spikes,

Yet the humble hearts wouldn’t give in to their likes

How often would the anticipation of loss riding on nervous trust

Walk away with a prize on the recommendation of insecurity, greed or lust

That was the time that gathered no rust, Dear

No pain, no fear, no pillion guilt in the rear.


Striving to attain selfish perfection forgoing the charm

Desperation to dominate and turning obstinate

The deal is to be dealt well, else it’s a blame

Looking for a scapegoat to neutralize the harm.


Hope is needed but it’s dawdling,

Is it the perception asking for repair?

Don’t know if the pain would subside

I walk the road, towards the path of knowing!

You are my sweetheart!

I know for sure that this is the closest I can be to falling crazily for someone. Even though the memories are soured by my immaturity, yet they remain beautiful in my heart. I often ask this question and I get the same answer every time. Is it justified to be a baggage for somebody? Hold on to her when she can have the world? My feelings are stronger and the more I think about her happiness my decision becomes firm. I understand it’s going to be hard. But it’s for her good. She has had the worst time with me. It doesn’t mean that I am a terrible person; we just have about similar demands at times.

She is not in loov with me. I can live with it. But being with her is as wonderful and mysterious as life can be. I want her, I need her, all of her, but that’s what I want. She has suffered and is suffering. There is so much that she wants to do. Despite that one thing that binds and brings us together, she wants to breathe free. I am just being myself, that’s the way I am. She wants to be in loov with somebody who I will be, that’s when I change. To be that somebody it will take a hell lot of time. I can be selfish and be with her and let her suffer till then or let her go free. No guilt, no regret, no expectations, no boundaries. Who am I to give that freedom? It’s her right. I am only a roadblock or a hindrance between her and the limitless.

If I ask myself whether I will be capable to fulfill her desires, I can bet I will leave no stone unturned. But I can’t do it today or tomorrow or in the days to come. Knowing that she’s not in loov with me and seeks companionship the right thing to do is get out of her way. I can be companion anyways. And when I say “I am breaking up with you…enjoy your freedom”. I want you to know that I loov you. I do. There is no sarcasm or taunt. I feel helpless. I want to see you happy. She is a lovely girl brimming with life. Innocent and naïve at heart. The little happiness I can give you is not what you deserve. So I am breaking up from the chain holding you. Baby I am here. When you glide through the clouds and feel the wind through your wings I will be the happiest. I also want to tell you that I never wanted to make you suffer. And that I am sorry for all the mistakes. I am nobody to decide what’s best for you… I am only trying to give what I can to the best of my abilities at this moment.

You are my sweetheart. I am going be around to comfort and support you.

How to keep sane in times of despair? Approach to tackle the disease.

How to keep sane in times of despair? Approach to tackle the disease. I tend to differ in opinion from those who think that you need to push the refresh button when the situation is hitting shallow waters. Instead it should be done on a timely basis. Get up, walk, run and stop! Look, observe, realize, analyze and learn! Proceed! Following this activity as a routine check-up detects the disease at a very early stage. A self reliant person can quickly get to the root of the signs and pluck it before it strengthens its grip.

Considering the intensity of our involvements in the more frivolous aspects in our lives, this minimal effort is nothing more than a piece of writing. Lets us examine the major and minor categories of involvements and our treatment towards them. When I think about happiness I think about sex and satisfaction. I would like to replace the word sex with ‘loov making’ as I believe without feelings a sexual experience isn’t absolute. This is one of our major involvements that should be treated with respect. Don’t do it because humans have this natural instinct. Focus more on the quality than the quantity. Trust me it can do wonders. (Doesn’t mean to decrease the count). Make ‘loov’ with somebody whom you think is worthy of it. Such a discretionary choice is vital to ensure realization of the fulfillment of your hidden and most sensitive feelings. I find myself under-equipped to define them. My attempt to do so suggests relief from the never ending instances of pain, trust upon trust of your partner for you and immense pleasure.

The art of capitalizing satisfaction requires a keen interest for life in general. This may include frequent and short term activities and rare and long term activities. The focus is more on the latter because they are prominent and consolidated. This is acceptable unless the former isn’t skimmed out. This idea is only a reinforcement of the bare facts of life that ironically we manage to ignore. Satisfaction is stamped as a destination and there is a constant effort to reach it via various materialist and emotional paths. We fight, hurt our own people, become selfish and arrogant and try to use all possible measures to reach the goal. And as we come closer to the goal we rappel even faster from the reality to illusion. An illusion that shouts “satisfaction guaranteed”.

The harder we try the more difficult it gets. Drawn swords are for the war to save the little satisfaction that one might get in making efforts to sustain it.

Hey! Do you ever feel an urge to talk to a street urchin or a stranger? Travelling in a taxi or plane, does it feel nice to initiate a smile to the fellow traveler? Due to some odd mental block you choose to ignore these urges. Just the way we ignore the importance of loov and compassion in our lives. How we let our ego dominate our senses and prohibit even diminutive exploitation of small moments of joy. Tease your lover and show her your loov. Tell her that you can do anything for her, even if you guys have been lighting your ego lamps for months now. Tickle your dad, buy him some nice liquor and share a drink with him. Light his cigarette. Carry your mom’ s purse for a change. Say thank you to your domestic help when he/she gets you a glass of water. Its common mistake that letting go means cheating on your partner to find satisfaction.

Satisfaction lies within and it’s the cause and remedy for stress. It begets happiness. A satisfied soul is happy.

Adverse conditions aren’t in our control, tackling them is. A friend of mine told me that if you feel trapped think of your life as a movie and be an observer to yourself. Also articles like these come in handy in troubled waters. And you are a lucky man if surrounded by a bunch of well wishers in the form of friends and family. Every man fights his own battle. And you shall fight till you are dead. Play it like a video game. It’s more fun.

I am responsible for my current state

Sometimes it doesn’t feel good at all. Lately I have developed this strangeness which is acceptable in case of people who are new to it. My experience in going through such situations has been tremendous. So this strangeness appears rather weird. In being true to myself I realized that I have admitted to the fact that my perplexed state of mind is nothing but my skill of indecisiveness. So when I say that I don’t feel good I also know that I am responsible for it. I see people so bold and confident, those ready to take utmost risk and even pump in that extra bit or may be even more to achieve what they dreamt of. Some think ahead of time and reach the milestones faster than others and some just run late. There are a privileged few who can just dream of anything and there a few for whom whatever they think of becomes a dream.

The rest fall in to a category called middle class, where the ability to take risk is forfeited in the memorandum of understanding for life. And so they dream when they sleep and lead a very secure and calculated life. And when they die, we say a good man is dead. I have spent more than two decades of my life just thinking about how good I would feel when I would achieve a certain something. Just that thought lets me sleep well.

Lately when I get up in the morning I hate myself, normally I feel lazy even to do that. It’s a combination of an inherited sense going steady in life averting every possible risk and feeling great about average success. The second thing is the subtle overconfidence that above par capabilities would yield even in the worst case scenario at least at par results. I may be happy in what I do now but the thought of the things that I wish to do makes me happier. So when I say that I don’t feel good I also know that I am responsible for it because I do nothing about it.