I know for sure that this is the closest I can be to falling crazily for someone. Even though the memories are soured by my immaturity, yet they remain beautiful in my heart. I often ask this question and I get the same answer every time. Is it justified to be a baggage for somebody? Hold on to her when she can have the world? My feelings are stronger and the more I think about her happiness my decision becomes firm. I understand it’s going to be hard. But it’s for her good. She has had the worst time with me. It doesn’t mean that I am a terrible person; we just have about similar demands at times.
She is not in loov with me. I can live with it. But being with her is as wonderful and mysterious as life can be. I want her, I need her, all of her, but that’s what I want. She has suffered and is suffering. There is so much that she wants to do. Despite that one thing that binds and brings us together, she wants to breathe free. I am just being myself, that’s the way I am. She wants to be in loov with somebody who I will be, that’s when I change. To be that somebody it will take a hell lot of time. I can be selfish and be with her and let her suffer till then or let her go free. No guilt, no regret, no expectations, no boundaries. Who am I to give that freedom? It’s her right. I am only a roadblock or a hindrance between her and the limitless.
If I ask myself whether I will be capable to fulfill her desires, I can bet I will leave no stone unturned. But I can’t do it today or tomorrow or in the days to come. Knowing that she’s not in loov with me and seeks companionship the right thing to do is get out of her way. I can be companion anyways. And when I say “I am breaking up with you…enjoy your freedom”. I want you to know that I loov you. I do. There is no sarcasm or taunt. I feel helpless. I want to see you happy. She is a lovely girl brimming with life. Innocent and naïve at heart. The little happiness I can give you is not what you deserve. So I am breaking up from the chain holding you. Baby I am here. When you glide through the clouds and feel the wind through your wings I will be the happiest. I also want to tell you that I never wanted to make you suffer. And that I am sorry for all the mistakes. I am nobody to decide what’s best for you… I am only trying to give what I can to the best of my abilities at this moment.
You are my sweetheart. I am going be around to comfort and support you.
